Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
