Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
