I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
