I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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