i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
