I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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