I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
