I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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