is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize