What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
