Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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