I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
