it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize