I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
