You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
