your parents love me but you hate me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
