you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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