When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
