dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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