I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
