You smell like stripper and shame
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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