My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
