I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
