Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
