I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
