I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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