he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
