How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
