Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
