Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize