Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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