I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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