The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
