What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please come you make the beer taste better
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
