WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
