I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
high people should be assigned attendants
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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