I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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