Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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