She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
