Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
