All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
