I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
