I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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