I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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