the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
