on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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