Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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