where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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