Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
