Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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