I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
