My first STD was from a foam party
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize