I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
