I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize