dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
