The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
