I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
