Betty ford says i'm here all night
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
