Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
