first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
