After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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