Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
