there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
