just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
