I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
