You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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