Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
