if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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