oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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