4 words: hood of his car
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
