PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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