he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
