Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
