Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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