giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
