In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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