Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He? As in you personified your dick?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
