the condom got lost in my hair
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
