why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
